{3:36 a.m.}

Yes, I'm crazy. I am on a major deadline for the magazine. Thought I'd post a frenzied note.

NOTE: This blog is a work in progress. Progress is very slow. It should pick up speed after Friday, deadline day. My 'Black Friday'.

I am going to bed now, really. Sorry no photos today...soon. ~ J

{me}

Day 1  of my new adventure into the unknown...blogging. At my age, I feel like if I don't move forward into the 21st century, my mind will catch up to my body and I'll really start to feel old. Not that 47 is old. As I near the mid-century mark, I realize that old is a matter of perspective.

When I was ten, even 20, I could not fathom being forty. I simply could not conceptualize it. I thought about it, but it was weird. Now, nearing 50, I realize that I don't feel any different today than I did then. Well, my body does, but not my mind. Or my heart. In my heart I am still the same 10-year-old girl that saw the world with wonder and awe, waiting for what was just  around the corner.

Which is why I am sometimes shocked when I pass my reflection in a mirror or window; I look at the person staring back at me and think "Who is that?". I realize that this is in part because of a significant weight gain in recent years and I have just about stopped looking at myself in the mirror, but it is still unsettling. It is always a surprise. I just don't think of myself as old. Wiser, but still young, still me.

Anyway...

Let me tell you a little something about myself. I am a 47-year-old artist and mother of two beautiful daughters, ages 21 and 13. They are very gifted, funny young women with strong opinions and ideas and I enjoy them immensely. They are a continual source of inspiration and keep me young and cool {I think}.

I am fortunate to have a very loving, patient husband, David, without whom, I acknowledge, I could not manage. I am difficult at best, yet he is endlessly supportive and kind.

At the age of 37, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, which changed my life {and the lives of my family} as I knew it. I was devastated. It won't kill you, but sometimes it makes you feel like you want to die.

At the age of 40, I was diagnosed as Bipolar {this also sometimes makes you feel like you want to die}. This was an epiphany for me. Finally, answers to all the questions about my mercurial behavior. Suddenly, everything made sense. I am amazed {and a little sad, and maybe a little angry...} that no one recognized there was something wrong.

Since then, I have come to understand and ultimately love myself, something I have never done before. It makes the world a better place. The lithium helps.

I was an art major in college, attaining a BS in Art Education and a BFA with a Fibers concentration, along with a minor in textile design and a minor in business. I accomplished all this in five years while holding down as many as three jobs at a time {I was supporting myself and paying for my education} and graduating magna cum laude. You'd think someone would have had a clue...

I ended up in graphic arts {I could actually make a living this way} as an art director for publishing companies in Shelby and Charlotte. The experience was invaluable though, since I am now using those skills to do freelance graphic design work out of my home, and I always love learning something new.

My girls are artistic, also. My daughter Jessica {21} is studying psychology and art at UNC Chapel Hill; she plans to open an art therapy studio.

My daughter Annie {13} loves to do all things artsy and craftsy and participates in art class and the art club at her school. She has been dancing {ballet, jazz, tap, lyrical} since she was three-years-old and hopes to continue through college and beyond. She also loves drama and has performed in many community theatre productions and in drama at school. She aspires to attending SCAD {Savannah College of Art and Design} to study architecture. She loves to sit with me and just create! 

I feel so lucky to have such great girls!!!!!

For the most part, my life revolves around nurturing, creating, gardening, reading, music, books, my family and my pets.

Oh pets! I have great pets! 

There is:

1. Overactive Olive the Border Collie, the sweetest, smartest dog in the world!;  
2. Zany Zoe the 'on her own planet' Calico, who's favorite thing to do is sit on our pedestal sink and stare at the nite light all night long {we think it speaks to her}; 
3. Silly Lily the Grey Tabby, who thinks she's a princess and sleeps with us under the sheets {sometimes David will make a tent for her under the covers by putting his knees up}; 
4. Manic Milo, a very attractive Grey Tabby with a white face and a pink nose, who loses his mind every night around 10 pm {as a neutered male, Milo doesn't understand those 'weird' feelings he gets sometimes}. Milo is the most vocal and affectionate cat I've ever had and everybody loves him! He will let you do just about anything to him. And so sweet and funny. And last, but certainly NOT LEAST, is: 
5. MommaCat, the mother of them all. She doesn't get along with any of them, so she stays outside, which is fine with her. She was a stray who adopted us and then had 8 kittens in our garden. Of course, I had to take them in. We found homes for five of them, kept two, Milo and Lily, and the littlest one died. We had MommaCat spayed, put a collar with a name tag and bell on her {so she can't catch the sweet birdies} and had all her shots administered. She is now fat and healthy, especially FAT!!!!!!

Speaking of fat, I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving holiday. Mine was lovely because I didn't have to cook this year! We went to my mother's house in Lenoir. We had good food, good times, and good fun playing games! I had a most excellent Scrabble win - I love to use all my letters and blow away the competition! Eat my dust.

We came home Friday night, late. While it was wonderful to visit with Mom, it was so nice to be home! Annie said, "Ooohhh, it smells like our house!",  and all the pets came running down the stairs to greet us {except Olive, who went with us; she travels very well} It's always nice to come home!!!

I'm feeling guilty because I've spent so much time on this blog today. I should have been decorating for Christmas. As always, I am not ready and feeling overwhelmed by the thought of it.

Well, gotta say goodbye. I have no idea if anyone will be remotely interested in reading my thoughts. I'll keep it up for awhile, anyway. I'll try to post pictures tomorrow.

Be kind to one another ~ J